Strong Man's Ashes
By April French

The Raven: May, 1996

I had not expected him to come to me, and confront me about... her. Perhaps I should have.

I have occasionally underestimated Nicholas.

He came upon me at the bar, thrusting his head next to mine. "Who is she?" he asked abruptly. Pained by... by many things, I could not answer. "The young girl, LaCroix," he repeated, "what is she to you?" He swung around in front of me, eyes dark and dangerous. I could see the slight bulge of his fangs beneath his lips; that was odd. He usually strives so hard to control himself around me. Just to prove he can. "What is it?"

"'It?'" I repeated. "'It' is something I've never told you. Something too painful for even me to discuss."

"She said you go back a long way. Did you bring her across?"

"You're still listening to the show; I'm flattered..."

"Urs is dead."

I coughed in dismay. "You see what my young friend is doing? One by one, people around me will be killed til I am left alone. And as isolated... as I left her. The word is out," I continued, standing. I leaned on the countertop and surveyed my domain, its population drastically lessened by the events of the past two nights. "Being in LaCroix's company can be fatal." I swallowed. "She will kill all of you, because of me..."

Nicholas thought he understood. "Because you brought her across."

I had to laugh. "No. I did not bring Divia across."

"Then who is she?"

I told him. I had to shut my eyes against the torrent of memories, but I told him.

He was astonished. "She brought you across?!"

I gasped, jolted out of the past. "Spared me the fate of countless thousands." He followed me through the curtain of chains. "Buried alive under a mountain of ash." Finding a convenient table, I leaned on that as well, again welcoming the support. It was all the support I was going to get.

Nicholas, grand boy, was confused, as usual. "Why did Divia save you?"

Well, this time his confusion was understandable. "She is my daughter." His expression was one of mingled shock and horror, like a punch to the throat. "Now you understand why I never told you who my master is? One could say that you're related."

He clearly did not want to ponder that. "If she saved you then, why does she want to hurt you now? Where has she been?"

I did not want to tell him, of all people. Not him. But of all people, surely he deserved to know. "Twenty years after Pompeii, I thought her dead and buried. Along with the guilt, and the secret one dare not share. But perhaps it is time to share that secret."

Nicholas has a good measure of tact that reveals itself at the most surprising moments. I had expected him to break in with questions and ridicule, but he held his tongue. "What can be said about a man who kills his own daughter? I put her remains in the sarcophagus. The sun god on the lid acted on her in much the same way as the cross does on us." I shrugged wearily. "That grave robber must have broken the seal."

His eyes darted across my face, searching for I know not what. "You had no choice but to destroy her."

"I had a choice!" I snapped. "I could've done as Divia asked."

Nicholas refused to accept that. "And despised yourself for it?"

"No more so than I do now!" I hissed, finally losing all my composure. "As a general in the emperor's army, I visited suffering on me enemies in unspeakable ways! I've seen evil on this earth in all its forms." My voice shook. "Yet there was an evil in my own child that I couldn't bear to look upon. An evil that she inherited from me, magnified a hundred times by the one who brought her across." I took a deep breath, but it caught in my throat. "My beautiful daughter..."

"How did she regenerate?" he asked incredulously. "Let alone survive all these years?"

I felt very tired. "Perhaps the evil that permeated the tomb sustained her. I don't know; does it really matter?"

Nicholas did not say anything for a moment, just looked at me. I could see the conflicting emotions flitting across his handsome face. "Do you think she'll come after you?"

"Not quite yet," I said darkly. "There's more killing to be done, after all."

Nicholas moved to go, and I turned away, drowning in my own anguish. I would lose him because of this, I was certain. Even if Divia did not kill him... By telling him of my crime--the only one in my long life I felt any regret over--I had destroyed my last chance of getting him back. He would never be able to respect me again...

A gentle hand broke into my thoughts and pressed itself to my shoulder.

You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand

"If you need me," he whispered. Startled, I hid my tears from him.

I knew you loved me then

"Thank you, Nicholas."

~Finis--September 16th, 2003~