I've been told that the following seven couplets were found on a 
scrap of paper stuck among the sheets of Shakespeare's First Folio.  
Long suppressed by the church, scholars have yet to determine if the 
author was Shakespeare himself, Ben Johnson, or maybe even Francis 
Bacon.  I lean towards Bacon, since it's obvious some porking was 
involved.... (Oooo, did I write that???? GROAN)

Bad, Bad Bard (1/1)
as revealed by Portia

If in couplets you would aspire 
To dwell on Nicholas and his sire,
You should focus your attention
On this small fact that I must mention --
While there *was* buggery every night
Yet ever Nicholas remained so very tight.
See, LaCroix would not be swayed
Until he'd been well and truly laid;
He'd say, "Nicholas, my one and only
Come and ride Daddy like a pony!"
So while sullen Nicholas' awaited his turn,
It was LaCroix who would stretch and burn,
For, far better than any mortal twinkie
Was his Nicholas and his sweet winkie!