Here's my submission. No email addy, and just list me as "TheLadyT" for author. Anyone who is familiar with my writing on Jadfe would know who I am, those who don't, don't need to (chuckle). Thanks for all your hard work! Lora WARNING: The adventures of Squishy and Squashy have been known to make readers eyes bleed, so please exercise caution while reading, or just delete the damn story. ;^) Squishy and Squashy first appeared in a JAG/Buffy xover badfic I wrote that is, believe me, so bad it's only archived on a password-protected site. If you really want to read "Low Tide in Sunnydale" email me privately (for those who are just reading this, good luck finding me-- bwahahaha!) with an age statement as well as a legal waiver to ensure I'm not held liable for how many brain cells are destroyed. That said, the following is a bit long, but it technically meets the seven-paragraph criteria. Squishy and Squashy Go To Toronto by TheLadyT Since Squishy and Squashy's new best friend, Commander Harmon Rabb Jr of the US Navy and JAG lawyer and all-around cutie with the second-best-ass-on-the-planet, had to go to Iceland to work on a legal matter, Squishy and Squashy decided to take a vacation of their own and go visit a couple of other vampires that they actually did manage to have sex with (unlike that vampire Spike that Squashy once tried to have sex with but splatted him instead and got away) because having sex in the water with two vampires was better than having sex with a human any old day, with the possible exception of course of their new best friend Harmon Rabb who since he was a fighter pilot and since fighter pilots always think with their joy sticks and for some reason that aspect of fighter pilots always makes women just want to pleasure them and even though Squishy and Squashy weren't women but water demons who just enjoyed having sex that didn't mean that they were immune to that desire and so they just loved pleasuring Harmon Rabb over and over again, and because one of the vampires, Lucien LaCroix, had the absolutely-best-ass-on-the-planet and they so loved to play with that ass, along with other wonderful body parts the master vampire had, but he wouldn't have sex with them unless it was with his favorite son, currently calling himself Nicholas Knight, as well because Lucien LaCroix knew that having sex with water demons was the very best sex to be had and he could never have the very best sex to be had unless it was with his son, so whenever they wanted to have sex with the vampire-with-the-best-ass-on-the-planet they had to include his very favorite son; unfortunately, that very favorite son had pleasure issues, meaning that he didn't feel himself worthy of pleasure, so Squishy and Squashy always had to plot with Lucien LaCroix to trick the mopey son into getting into the water because once the mopey son got into the water Squishy and Squashy could work their magic on the vampire so that he had tons and tons of pleasure and he would come so many times that the mopey son would forget all about his not being worthy of pleasure and just enjoy sex with his father, master vampire Lucien LaCroix, and his two water demon friends; and, well, anyhoo, that's how Squishy and Squashy ended up going to Toronto while their new best friend, Commander Harmon Rabb Jr of the US Navy, was away in Iceland. When Squishy and Squashy entered the Raven, which now belonged to their friend who has the absolutely-best-ass-on-the-planet (but used to belong to his favorite daughter Janette, whom Squishy and Squashy never actually had the pleasure of having sex with although they expressed this desire several times to Lucien LaCroix but who said that they couldn't have sex with her because he would only let them have sex with himself and his favorite son because Lucien LaCroix only wanted to have the absolutely best sex with his son and if he let Squishy and Squashy have sex with Nick and Janette then Nick might start to think that the best sex to be had was with water demons rather than with his father the master vampire, and Lucien LaCroix was far too selfish to allow that to happen), all the vampires started getting nervous--not because they were afraid of water demons because vampires weren't afraid of much and water demons were pretty low on that list but because they knew that having sex with a water demon was addictive because water demons loved having sex so much that they always made sure that those whom they had sex with had tons and tons of orgasms so that they'd want to continue to have sex with the water demons and although getting addicted to sex with water demons wasn't so bad, what *was* bad was that water demons often got bored after a while and left their partners, who were addicted to water demon sex, and those poor souls left behind (not that vampires had souls, depending on the type of vampire, because some actually did have souls) would have to go through withdrawal before they could ever have sex again and withdrawal from water-demon-sex-addiction was a hellish thing for a human to go through much less a vampire--and so all the nervous vampires got as far away from the water demons for fear that they might be the water demons' next conquest and they didn't want that to happen, so Squishy and Squashy were able to make their way easily to the bar, where they told Miklos, who occasionally still worked the bar since Janette left, to tell the master vampire that they were here to see him and could he please see to their accommodations while they were in Toronto, meaning that they wanted a very, very large tub filled with water so that they could relax after their long trip from Washington, DC, where they now lived with their new best friend Commander Harmon Rabb of the US Navy. The two water demons didn't have long to wait, for Lucien LaCroix, proprietor of the Raven, master vampire, and owner of the absolutely-best-ass-on-the-planet, joined them swiftly (or as quickly as a stately-moving vampire can go when that vampire is in a hurry but refuses to let anyone, especially other vampires, know he is in such a hurry) and motioned them to the back rooms of the Raven where he had their accommodation, meaning a very, very large tub filled with water, set up. Squishy and Squashy wondered why the master vampire hadn't said anything, but they really weren't that concerned about it because they were having far too much fun watching the absolutely-best-ass-on-the-planet, which was currently encased in very expensive Armani slacks, wiggle in front of them (although if anyone ever told the master vampire that his ass, perfect as it is, ever wiggled, well, Lucien LaCroix would take care to ensure that person never repeated such a preponderous observation again), and so they didn't really worry too terribly much about the fact that Lucien LaCroix hadn't said a word. Nonetheless, they did wonder when they were going to see the master vampire's mopey son so they could start having fun and were in fact about to ask their friend Lucien LaCroix about where his favorite son was when they heard his son say something from behind a closed door that the master vampire was about to open--in fact, it sounded as though the mopey vampire wasn't very mopey at all and was in fact sitting in a hot tub waiting for his father to return, which made Squishy and Squashy so happy that they wanted to squeal in delight, but knew they couldn't because Lucien LaCroix didn't care for their watery giggle much less their squeals, so they repressed their very prominent desire to squeal in delight and instead looked to the master vampire as to their instructions because they knew the master vampire always had a plan and that when it involved his son it often involved sex, and since the master vampire invited Squishy and Squashy up to Toronto for sex, they pretty much figured that the master vampire's plot this time had to do with sex with his very favorite son, which is after all why Squishy and Squashy liked the master vampire so much and so decided to visit him and his mopey son, although the son didn't seem too mopey right now and, if the throaty growl he used on Lucien LaCroix was any barometer, seemed like he was as ready for sex as Squishy and Squashy were. Well, the master vampire just kinda sneered at the two water demons as he opened the door to the very steamy room and motioned for Squishy and Squashy to enter surreptitiously and to wait for his signal before they did anything, and since the steam quickly affected the water demons' watery bodies Squishy and Squashy were able to make their watery bodies somewhat invisible in the steam by becoming watery blobs that floated on the floor and just kinda flowed up to either side of the hot tub in which the master vampire's not-so-mopey son awaited. Nicholas de Brabant Knight wondered why LaCroix was taking so long--after all, LaCroix was the one who had instigated everything to convince Nick that a relaxing night in his hot tub would be just the thing to ease his son's jangled nerves and even talked Nick's boss into letting him have the next few days off, although Nick wasn't exactly sure why LaCroix insisted that Nick take so much time off, especially since he was going to spend the very first night relaxing in a hot tub, but Nick had a feeling that LaCroix was going to try to seduce him tonight, and even though under most circumstances Nick would be very upset that LaCroix would try to reestablish the sexual relationship that Nick so often tried to avoid (despite the fact that sex with his vampire father was better than any sex Nick had ever had or would ever have for that matter) because it just made their bond so much stronger and Nick was trying hard to break that bond because Natalie was going to help him become human again and he couldn't become human if he was tied too tightly to LaCroix, for some reason the thought of having a sexual encounter with LaCroix right now didn't seem all that unappealing and, thinking back to his last sexual encounter with LaCroix, even had a nice appeal because he seemed to remember that when the two of them were in Los Angeles some fifty or sixty years ago they were in a tub quite similar in fact to the one in which he awaited LaCroix and that it didn't take much convincing on LaCroix's part at all to have Nick hard and quivering and begging to be taken and begging LaCroix to let him take him, and the two of them had orgasm after orgasm all night long and it might have even been for several evenings because Nick recalled several cases of blood being consumed by LaCroix (but none by Nick since Nick didn't drink human at that time, but he freely drank from LaCroix, who was drinking human, but that didn't matter much to Nick at the time because he was too busy having orgasms and drinking from LaCroix to let a minor paradox like that to bother him) so it might have been several nights, if not a week, that the two of them were in a hot tub some fifty or sixty years ago constantly having sex. As Nick was thinking all these wonderful thoughts that really should bother him but weren't, he was watching his master through the steamy haze of the bath disrobe in a manner that was making Nick want to squirm and quiver and he even felt himself hardening as LaCroix sensually removed one piece of clothing after another until finally the master vampire climbed up over the edge of the tub and slowly lowered himself in, and Nick knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he and LaCroix were about to have sex because he saw his master sporting a hard-on that looked like it could pleasure the entire city of Toronto, several times. Unbeknownst to Nick Knight, Lucien LaCroix signaled the two water demons to enter the hot tub, again surreptitiously, and so they stealthily entered the steamy, bubbly water. Squishy and Squashy loved hot tubs because they were so warm and with all the jets they didn't need to be careful when they were trying to be surreptitious, and besides the minerals in this type of hot tub were great for their watery bodies. They waited for the master vampire to get close to his favorite son before going to work on the mopey one who didn't seem too terribly mopey right now. First Squishy ran a watery finger up the younger vampire's cock, making it stand proudly at attention, then its cousin Squashy ran a watery finger down the younger vampire's cleft and poked ever so gently at his anus, making the younger vampire squirm on the ledge until he finally stood up so that the two vampires were now facing one another, their cocks almost touching. Squishy and Squashy very much wanted the two vampires closer but they knew that if they touched the vampire with the absolutely-best-ass-on-the-planet before he first touched his favorite son that Lucien LaCroix would banish them from the tub and never invite them over to have sex with him and his favorite son ever again, which would make Squishy and Squashy very sad because they enjoyed having sex with these two vampires almost as much as they enjoyed having sex with their new best friend, Commander Harmon Rabb Jr of the US Navy--JAG lawyer, fighter pilot, and owner of the second-best-ass-on-the-planet. So, to get these two closer to one another, Squashy increased the pressure of its watery finger on the younger vampire's anus while Squishy used its watery finger to tickle the underside of the younger vampire's cock; this had the wonderful effect of causing the younger vampire's cock to jump and his ass to wiggle, so Squashy increased the pressure of its watery finger all the more until the younger vampire began to slowly wiggle his way closer and closer to the older vampire. Finally, Squishy saw the two cocks touch, which delighted it to no end because now that the older vampire had touched the younger vampire they could now touch the older vampire; however, Squishy waited until the older vampire enclosed the younger vampire's cock in his hand, just in case the older vampire didn't consider the two cocks touching to be "his first touch" and so when that happened, Squishy signaled Squashy, who really didn't need a signal because the younger vampire's anus automatically relaxed when the master vampire grasped the younger's cock, so Squashy's watery finger was able to penetrate the younger vampire's anus and apply just enough delicious pressure to the younger vampire's prostrate to cause the younger vampire to have his first incredibly mindblowing orgasm and they knew it was a mindblowing orgasm because of the way the younger vampire came and came as the older vampire pumped and pumped the younger's cock and they heard the younger vampire roar loudly and saw the older vampire jerk as the younger sunk his teeth into his master's neck so that not only would the younger benefit from the elder's nourishment but the elder was then physically linked with the younger and so he felt the younger's mindblowing orgasm. Squishy and Squashy were quite proud of their surreptitious work. Their next job was to ensure that Lucien LaCroix had his first mindblowing orgasm, and since Squishy and Squashy knew that the master vampire would not want to come unless his cock was buried to the hilt in his favorite son's ass, the two water demons knew that they needed to manipulate the younger vampire to get him to turn around so that the older vampire could bury his cock hilt-deep into the younger vampire's ass so that they could ensure that the older vampire had his very first mindblowing orgasm and they knew that once the elder vampire had his first mindblowing orgasm then the older vampire would let Squishy and Squashy play with him however they wanted to, as long as the two vampires had one mindblowing orgasm after another. So the two water demons began working in earnest to convince the younger vampire that he desperately wanted to have the elder vampire's cock buried hilt-deep in his ass; first Squishy began by soothing the younger vampire's now highly sensitive cock and Squashy began by tickling the younger vampire's prostrate--just enough pressure to ensure the younger vampire would quickly develop an interest in having the elder vampire's cock buried to the hilt doing a much better job of tickling his prostrate. Because Nicholas was smiling and murmuring softly and rubbing his nether regions against his master, LaCroix could tell what the two water demons were doing and was exceedingly grateful that soon he would bury his cock to the hilt in his favorite son's ass; he softly kissed his son's neck and encouraged the younger vampire to turn around in preparation for the elder vampire's "entrance"; and by the time the elder had the younger turned around the younger was softly begging to have his master bury his cock to the hilt in his very tight, albeit not a cute as the elder's, ass. Soon LaCroix had his wish and he was gleefully pounding away inside his favorite son's deliciously tight ass; suddenly LaCroix noticed that Squishy and Squashy must have changed positions because he could feel a watery finger pressing against his anus and he assumed that watery finger belonged to Squashy; fortunately, LaCroix was not about to protest because he could feel his son about to come a second time and so he let the water demon's watery finger penetrate his anus and quite quickly LaCroix felt that delicious pressure on his prostrate that could only mean that he was about to have one heck of a mindblowing orgasm. As Lucien LaCroix came and came, Squishy and Squashy were terribly happy--not only were they now going to be able to do whatever they wanted to do with the two vampires for the next week, they just plain loved having their partners have mindblowing orgasms because, well, that was the way that water demons got their nourishment--by enjoying the mindblowing orgasms they gave to their partners. As Squishy and Squashy flew home to Washington, DC, to be with their new best friend-- Commander Harmon Rabb Jr of the US Navy, JAG lawyer, and fighter pilot--they were very happy. Not only had they just spent a week having sex in a very nice hot tub with two lusty vampires, but now they were going to see their new best friend again--who just so happened to have the second-best-ass-on-the-planet, which they so very much loved to play with because Harmon Rabb responded so well to their ministrations and more often than not had multiple orgasms, which was highly unusual for a human male--and because the big mega-tub that their friend had ordered was supposed to have been delivered and installed while Harmon Rabb was in Iceland doing legal stuff and Squishy and Squashy were in Toronto doing two lusty vampires. So, when their plane landed, the two water demons quickly checked the arrivals' monitors to find out which gate their new best friend was flying in at because they had earlier coordinated those flights to coincide with one another so that all three would be able to go back to Harmon Rabb's place together. When they found one another, they greeted as only the very best of friends can greet one another and they talked about their mutual flights and their mutual weeks and they told one another how much they missed one another and they immediately headed out to the parking area to find Harmon Rabb's car because Squishy and Squashy didn't need any luggage and Harmon Rabb only had his carry-on because his legal briefs and stuff were being shipped separately. Once they were safely on the road, Harmon Rabb told them that he had talked to his good friend Clayton Webb (who Squishy and Squashy originally wanted to have sex with but quickly forgot about after they met Harmon Rabb), who had told him that the huge mega-tub that he had ordered had indeed been delivered and installed and that everything was in working order and that Clayton Webb was even going to make sure the tub was full of hot water when he got home and that the jets would be running so that the fighter pilot could relax as soon as he walked through the door; of course, Clayton Webb didn't know that Harmon Rabb's new best friends were the water demons who originally wanted to have sex with the sexy spy with sad soulful eyes mainly because, well, Harmon Rabb didn't think his good friends would understand that the water demons were really not evil and didn't need to be destroyed and in fact were fulfilling a void in the fighter pilot's life that not very many people could understand so Harmon Rabb just didn't tell his good friend Clayton Webb that the huge mega-tub that Harmon Rabb had ordered was actually for his two friends so that the three of them could have lots and lots of mindblowing sex, and so the three were very surprised when they entered Harmon Rabb's apartment and discovered the hot tub already occupied by Clayton Webb and his lover, Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie, who was model-beautiful and had breasts that wouldn't quit and was in fact the person who helped Clayton Webb initially escape the clutches of the water demons before the water demons met and fell in love with their new very best friend, Commander Harmon Rabb Jr of the US Navy. "Harm?" Mac asked from her comfortable position in the hot tub, "What are you doing home so early, and why are those water demons with you?" The End (thank god!)