FOREVER KNIGHT LIMERICKS
A vampire was staked as he said,
"from me, a daemon has fed"
Vachon was his name,
he used half his brain,
now no-one admits that he's dead.
From Nick, the truth she did seek
and soon her future looked bleak
Nick's life is all wrong,
so now she has gone
and was quickly named "neck of the week."
There once was a man from Pompeii
Who always, forever got his way
He had a knightly son
Turns out, Nick's awfully fun
Harm him, and there'll be hell to pay
There once was a young doc named Lambert
Who found herself in quite a jambert
Her heart gave a thump
when up the corpse jumped
and said, 'How DO ya do, ma'ambert?"
There once was a vampire full of guilt
Who liked to keep all the mortals on a tilt
His preferred beverage this time
Is blood coming from some unexcepting bovine
Now all he wants to do is sit somewhere and wilt
She elegant and devine
But never too far from her bloodwine
Her brother is a angst knight
Who she thinks is sometimes not too bright
Which she snagged by dropping one line
From a virgin Nick once had a snack
As usual, control he did lack
So he gave her his curse,
But what she thinks is worse
Is that her maidenhead always grows back
There once was a vampire named Nick,
Who preferred not to be Lacroix's pick.
He oft ran away,
And with humans would play,
'Til reeled in by some nasty trick.
"Dearest Nat, why must you make
"These white chalky horrible shakes?
"They upset my tummy,
"And are truly not yummy.
"Next time, why not puree me a steak?"
"Oh la la, Nicolas, mon amour,
"What is your blood preference du jour?
"Oh, today it is cow?
"One thing I know now,
"Your breath holds for me no allure!"
There once was a man of Pompeii,
Who drank too much one August day.
Vesuvius blew up,
And Divia did sup,
'Twas a hangover cure the hard way!
He was brought across in 1228
Forever angst was to be his fate
but USA got ahold,
the bimbos got bold
on neck of the week he did sate
There once wuz a droog named Screed
on ratsies this vamp did feed
the truth wuz 'id
by th' PTB twas did
That Nat thot 'e wuz best o' breed!
Johnsie, Leader o' the 'Pack
There once was a vamp named Vachon
Who was known not for brains nor for brawn
In fact, he was quite lazy
But he drove the girls crazy
With his long hair that was just clip-on
There was a poor lass known as Urs
Who felt her mortal life was a curse
Said she wished to be dead
Ended up vamped instead
But we're glad she did-- Hello, cute nurse!
A general from ancient Rome
Tried to give his kid a warm, safe home
She became his vamp-mother
Wanted to be his lover
But he couldn't-- they shared a genome!
There once was a carouche named Screed
Who thought he did the world a good deed
'Cause he ate rats and mice
But he never thought twice
That exterminators disagreed
The ancient vampire named LaCroix
Was staked by his son - au revoir.
To Nick's shock: not adieu
Once more folie a deux
With his Roman disdain and sang-froid
Too bad for Officer Schanke
Without donuts, he'd be much more lanky
But he never says no
To that deep-fried dough
And he takes extras home in his hanky.
Nick's coffee is under the sink
It's just not his favorite drink
He needs to have blood
Everything else tastes like mud
But what will the other cops think?
There once was a doctor named Nat.
Who lived with Sydney, her cat.
Till a vamp she did wake.
Too much did he take.
Give her three pints of AB neg, stat!
"There was a young vampire named Nick
Whose cranium was exceedingly thick.
He got hit with a bomb,
Which he survived with aplomb,
Good thing he's dense as a brick.
There was a young coroner named Nat,
Whose love life was awfully flat.
While working one night,
Arrived a dead Knight,
And up on her table he sat.
"You're dead!" she did say,
Though it didn't look quite that way.
Then he ran for the blood,
Which unleashed a flood
of anguish and guilt and dismay.
To lovely young Nat he did speak,
Of his angst-ridden unlife so bleak.
She promised to help him
Though sometimes wanted to belt him,
A cure for vamp'rism she did seek.
But then, in the loft one dark night,
They found they were in a sad plight.
Both were depressed,
And at far from their best,
And thought to solve their woes with his bite.
Then in came Lacroix with a stake,
And an ending 'twould seem he did make.
But the fans gave a cry,
"We can't let them DIE!
Our fan fic will give them a break."
Knight and Schanke's relationship's rocky,
For whrere nick is thin, Don is stocky.
And Nick has been seen
To turn all shades of green
Whenever he's offered souvlaki.